I was in my garden today. And the song, “I come to the garden alone” came into my head. I sang the verses I knew. Then I just kept asking “why?”
And I knew I didn’t have to say more than that one word. Because it encompasses it all. I even started to type out some of the whys in this post and changed my mind. Because why stands on its own. The rest of the words seem to water it down.
My garden brought me some respite, but no real joy today. And later in the day I stood in my 6 feet+ tall Valerian patch and breathed in the fragrance of the flowers. A peace wash over me. I gave thanks. But after I left that patch, the pain of this world returned.
I understood today why many people over the years have retreated to monasteries and in other ways left society.
I contacted my soul sister today to ask her how she was feeling. She was feeling the same. I figured that would be the case. We feel the world similarly.
And so this tough day draws to a close. And my heart still feels broken and raw for this world. I need to disconnect. I can’t take any more pain. Not the circumstances. Not people’s reactions to the circumstances.
You will find me in the garden.
Alone.